How to Love Your Haters

Submitted by Susie Moore
Posted on 12 Oct, 2020

"No-one ever kicks a dead dog" – Dale Carnegie

There are two types of critics. One comes from a place of love, another from a place of fear or envy. To be criticized with negative intention means that you have aroused something within someone else such as jealousy or a feeling of inadequacy. In order for the critic to feel better and elevated somehow, they need to put other people down. When someone condemns our work, comments unkindly on our appearance, judges our parenting style or disapproves of any of our actions, it is a pure and total reflection of them, not us. Take relief and comfort that a critic’s words often have nothing to do with you at all.

Here are 6 reasons critics can be a good thing in your life:

It means you are doing something
In order to be criticized, it means you are taking action in some form. Aristotle said, "The only way to avoid criticism is to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing".

It can make you better
When criticism is positively fuelled and constructive, we can improve, learn and grow. I love hearing thoughtful and useful feedback about my writing and coaching style. I take it all on board and use what works for me.

The person shows you who they really are
Negatively fuelled critics show us who they really are – often unfulfilled people who are therefore naturally unsupportive of your life’s path. The way they react to what you are doing is a reflection of how they feel about their own lives.

Critics reassure us that we are on the right track.
The further you get in your life, the more critics you can expect. It means that people are paying attention to you. Steven Pressfield said that criticism is what you really want as a creative person, he calls it "the supreme compliment."

You prove worthy of other people's energy
When someone is talking about you it means that you are affecting them somehow. They are using their time and attention to talk about you. Funnily enough, being the subject of someone’s criticism can be a very flattering thing. If I may quote another fabulous person, Oscar Wilde famously said, "there is only one thing worse than being talked about…".

It teaches you about yourself
I was so sensitive when I first started writing. I was shocked at the venom of online commenters. Sometimes some responses can be helpful as they point out something that I never considered or they highlight a different way of looking at something. But in the end, I have to approve of my work. The more confident I feel in who I am, the less influenced I am by other people. The way you let criticism impact you is a great barometer of how strong you are becoming.

There will always be people who disagree with you or who dislike your ideas and actions. Forgive them if they upset you. Remember that the road to success invites a lot of critics so the sooner you know what to take on board and what to release, the better. The fact that criticism exists at all also reminds us that all we can ever do is our best – speak our truth, deliver our greatest work and surrender the rest.

And as one of my favourite books, The Magic of Thinking Big, says, "Expect critics, its proof you are growing." And the ladder of growth is the only place to be.

Susie Moore is a confidence coach in New York City. Sign up at her website to receive her free weekly wellness tips.